Kick and scream and clamp your mouth shut until your parents get fed up and go to the living room. They tell you you're not getting down from the table until you eat them, Don't you dare throw them out, We can hear you if you do. Cry a little until they leave the kitchen. Then, drop them into you're glass of milk. Tell them you're done and make sure to sniffle while they come to scope out the place. It will work at least once, maybe twice, but they'll figure it out eventually, probably when you do it so fast they think there's no way he could have choked all that broccoli down already. Find a different strategy. Napkins, pockets, vents.
Tell your friend's mothers your mother never makes you eat it. They won't argue with you because they have to wrestle with their own kids for Pete's sake, why would they wrestle with you?
Order your burgers without pickles or onions or tomatoes or any sort of vegetable. Pick the mushrooms off your steak. Gag on red peppers. Take a sip of V8 and spit it out all over the sidewalk.
Take a multi-vitamin.
Once you're old enough, you feel like getting married, find a girl who won't settle for second best. Don't find any old girl who will eat anything and will probably just get fat along with you. A girl like that is no good because she'll never pull you aside to say, "You're looking a little bigger than you used to. Do you think we need to start eating better?" Find a girl who will say that to you. You don't want to be fat. You need a girl who will tell you when you are.
Once you've found her, slap a ring on that finger before some other idiot who definitely wants to be ripped when he's middle aged sweeps her off her feet and asks her to make him steamed broccoli 'til death does them part. You won't regret it.
Gain a few pounds. Convince yourself your metabolism is just as fast as it was in high-school. It doesn't matter if you eat fast-food 3 times a week. Eat fast food 3 times a week and gain some wait. You're wife will be on the ball. She'll give you the speech a few times, hoping it will work and you'll start eating properly before it's too late.
Keep eating whatever you want and getting more overweight. Your wife will eventually get angry and tell you, 'Look at all the work I put in for you. Look at how I'm eating tomatoes and broccoli and all kinds of disgusting things just so I can keep my figure. When are you going to put in the work for me?'
Feel really bad. You deserve it. She's totally right.
Go to a book store and find a book about getting skinny. They'll all tell you you need to eat more vegetables, cut down on the red meat, the carbs, the sugar. The more colourful the food, the better it is for you. You won't get too motivated, though, until you read a book of essays in which the author tells you to grow your own vegetables because it will save the world. If every American grew their own produce, the amount of fuel they used to have them shipped to the grocery would be cut in half and the money spent on it could solve world hunger.
Plant your own garden. Tell your wife it's important for us to live efficiently, even if it only makes a small dent in the damage our country is doing. She'll be impressed, yet totally surprised. She'll be excited about it too, and together you'll have a blast growing your vegetables.
Once you've grown the tiny little stocks of broccoli that look nothing like the steroid-filled grocery store broccoli, melt some cheese on top of it and eat your damn broccoli.
Eating your broccoli is as easy as that.
